Last Thursday I found myself home alone and having finished my chore list for the day decided to make a looper in the Suburby in the pursuit of amateur photography. Choices, choices -- where should I go?

I bypassed the BNWR, one of my primary haunts, and cruised out to Surfside Beach. I choose not pay for Surfside and go straight down to the county beach to gain access to the shore. I have not been on the actual beach in the Village of Surfside in many a year. Haven't missed it all.

As usual on the rare occasions I've been to the beach lately it was windy as all get out and hazy. Mysterious fog-like low level clouds rolling in. The sun would break through frequently so for the middle of the day the lighting was probably better for photography except for high contrast shots like black birds on a white background. You got to know some tricks to capture these shots. Automatic usually wont cut it.

My routine is to cruise all the way down to San Louis Pass and if there was some good scenery, cruise all the way back. There was nothing spectacular Thursday. I scoped a couple of cute Bettys but other than that it boiled down to a couple of birds. A Magnificent Frigate bird circled right overhead. They look like they are moving slow but are out of range in a matter of several seconds. You can see one up close at the Moody Gardens. It doesn't look very happy but I suppose they never do. And I saw some Dow Skimmers. That's what I call them anyway.

One reason why I like to go to the beach to take pictures is because if there is any significant surf, I can catch a few waves on a body board. I surfed the tropical storm that came in a couple of years ago. Those were the biggest waves I've ever been in but not the worst undercurrent. Thursday was the worst undercurrent I've ever been in.

When I don't have the kids I like to go out past the third sandbar. You just got to get to through one deep trough and you can stand up again. With big waves, approaching and getting on the sandbar can be a bit difficult which is why you don't want to take a bullshit wave. The effort of fighting through big breakers is only worth a good ride. That's why I don't enjoy Shlitterbahn and the like. The effort of the crowd and the lines is not worth the short ride. It's for suckers and kids. I very much enjoy taking my kids to Schlitterbahn because to them the rides are worth the effort and they are worth the effort to me even if the rides are not.

Anyway the waves were awesome. I had to get a few rides. I grabbed the board from the back of the Suburby, secured the vehicle, and headed in. The first thing I noticed as soon as I hit the water was all the damn bait fish. Lots of it circling and jumping and splashing all around. Immediately I think of the lady attacked by a shark the other week. Had to put that thought firmly out of mind in order to continue. Nobody wants to get eaten by a shark.

The second thing I noticed was that it was quite a bit further between the second sand bar and third sand bar than normal. You can tell how far it is by the white caps because the waves break over the sandbars. Sometimes they are pretty close together; sometimes they're not. Even though I am by myself in what could likely be shark infested waters, I'm still determined to go. Once you get on top of one of those big waves you're hooked. The feeling of being propelled a hundred yards or more in about ten seconds is quite exhilarating. It's enough force to strip you nekkid if you're clothes aren't tied on. Of course you got to catch the wave just right...

The third thing I noticed is that the water was way over my head as soon as I came off the second sand bar. No bottom. Usually it's about 7 to 10 feet deep in the middle and I can just barely touch the bottom with a stretched out toe on the downside of the big swells. No biggie--sometimes you have to swim through deep water to get to the third bar but I like having a bottom.

I am bit out of shape for this time of year but even so it sure seemed like a long and arduous swim and as expected the size of the waves made the breakers difficult to overcome. It's quite challenging but without a challenge what's the fun of it?

So I finally get there. I am standing in about chest deep water floating over the swells on the backside of the sandbar waiting to catch a monster wave when I notice the Surburby is about a quarter mile up the beach. Not good. I haven't even ridden one wave and already it is a substantial walk back. If I stay out for even a brief period I am going to be three miles down the beach. Even worse it means there is a powerful current sweeping me away.

Finally giving in to the fact that it is plain retarded for me to be out by myself in such unfavorable conditions I decided to catch a wave or two (I am already there, right) and head back in. I tried to catch one but missed it. I repositioned myself and waited for another wave. I caught one and tried to ride all the out and then I was gonna swim for it. When I got out of the breakers into the channel I glanced at the Suburby and sure enough she was already about a half mile away. Geez. Since I knew I was already in deep water I started swimming. No need to try to touch bottom. It would be a while before I touched bottom again.

I didn't almost drown, but I almost almost drowned. Anyone who has almost almost drowned knows what I am talking about. My life wasn't flashing before my eyes yet but I was giving some serious, serious thought to the situation I was in and how was I gong to get out of it. I'm too large to be doing any major ocean surviving on a fucking twenty-five dollar Styrofoam body board. It suddenly dawned on me that I was in danger. Well, more danger than I had planned to undertake when I first waded in.

I couldn't get out of the channel between the sandbars. Normally I just ride the waves back in, letting the ocean wash me ashore with the rest of the debris. On this day, that wasn't working. Whatever distance a wave pushed me in the tide took right back. You don't even notice that you're not making any progress until fatigue begins to set in and you're still not where you need to be. Luckily there was several tons of rotten seaweed and brown scum surrounding me that clued me in since it was obviously not washing ashore either. I've been swimming in the ocean for more than thirty years and I have never been trapped in a current I could not get out of. But here I was. San Louis Pass was only about two or three miles up the coast and my ass was being swept out to sea.

I had been swimming/floating for a while and was coming up on some fishermen who were parked about a mile away from the Surburby and I was thinking about calling out and waving the boogie board to get their attention. The wind was in my favor so they would probably here me screaming like a little girl, "Help! Help! Help me I'm drowning!". That was plan A. Plan B was to float in the channel for a bit to catch my breath and then swim back out to the third sand bar and rest. Helicopters and small planes fly over frequently and I could probably get some help pretty quick like that.

The fishermen were packing up and I was about to move past them at about four knots so I had to decide on plan A quickly or forget about it. I wasn't quite exhausted yet and I guess I'd rather drown than call out for help so I decided to swim for it one more time. I waited for a big swell and propelled myself with all the skill and effort I possess. Swimming steady and strong while holding the boogie board in front of me like a sail to catch the swells. When I couldn't go any more I stretched my toe for the bottom. Yes! I made it. A little toehold is all I need to get a foothold. I came out of the water just a bit past the fishermen. I nealry colapsed from exhaustion and I still had about a mile to walk. Luckily the fishermen came by and let me ride on the tailgate after I had walked about a quarter mile.

I've been swimming in the ocean for more than thirty years and I still have never been trapped in a current I could not get out of. I'm not gonna lie, I was scared shitless but the adrenalin rush was good. I think I might be more careful next time. But I don't know about the time after that.

1. ibs06/10/2007 08:08:45 AM

now THAT is funny.

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2. jdallen06/10/2007 11:55:08 AM

Nobody from out of town believes the stories about San Luis Pass until it's too late. That is some badass water, man.

Congrats, you made it. I have a couple of friends that wadefished there until it happened to them. I'm kinda surprised you went in in the first place, though.

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3. banjo jones06/19/2007 04:27:36 AM
Homepage: http://brazosportnews.blogspot.com

something similar happened to me about 30 years ago at a mexican beach town called Puerto Escondido.

except i was body surfing.

there was a big fuckin sign that said "peligroso" which, of course, i stupidly ignored.

there was a guy on a surfboard about 50-60 yards away. he was my ace in the hole, i figured.

turned out i didn't need him, but i seriously thought about calling out to him, "hey, i think i'm maybe gonna drown. can you belive that?"

anyway, made it back ok. just lay there on the beach exhausted.

it's pretty easy to drown, i concluded.

stay safe, ya hear?

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